Week 19: A bare cupboard

My alarm clock chimed at 5 a.m.  But not for me to get up and run (especially not since it was -50 degrees outside in Minneapolis) but for me to get up and cook.  Cook.  Ugggghhh.

I tried to be optimistic as I slipped on my slippers and robe.  I had an hour to cook Logan breakfast and lunch to send to daycare, leaving me 30 minutes to shower and dress before I had to wake the kids.  Plenty of time.  I found a pancake recipe in my GFCF cookbook, one where I actually had all of the ingredients (buckwheat flour, baking powder, corn oil, salt, vanilla, water.  Well, I actually didn’t have corn oil.  But I had coconut oil.).  I mixed and stirred confidently, until my batter looked like this:

GFCFSugarF Pancake batter

My batter … so far, so good …

Note the pretty picture next to it.  The recipe said “if needed, add water until batter loosens slightly.”  That was odd, I thought, since my batter was super thin and watery–I felt I needed to add more flour so the pancakes would actually be thicker than the paper the recipe was printed on.  Anyway, I’ll skip over the long, whiny story.  Here’s what they ended up looking like:

Not enough swear words in the world for these …

Nothing like the pretty picture above.  I couldn’t possibly feed these to Logan, and now it was 6:15 a.m.  I still hadn’t showered.  I had thrown together a lunch for him, though, of leftover GFCF chicken strips my husband had made for dinner the night before, and packed three small containers of vegetables: cabbage, green beans, and squash.  He’s been doing a pretty good job of eating all his veggies at home for dinner–though I suspect not so much at daycare.  And luckily, I can get ready in under 15 minutes (refusing to wear make-up or do anything beyond brushing my hair really comes in handy some days).  I’ll simply tell daycare to cook him some of the gluten-free oatmeal I had given them as back-up, I decided.  If pancakes like the ones above don’t justify a back-up, nothing does.

This scenario repeated pretty much all five days last week, though one day I successfully made scrambled eggs to send.

Out other food adventure this week was eating out for the first time since beginning our diet journey.  We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, which Logan had always referred to as “the mac and cheese restaurant,” since that’s what he ordered the first time we were there…and, therefore, the only thing he orders every time.

“They don’t have that anymore,” we told Logan as we pulled into the parking lot.  “You’ll have to order chicken.”

I’ll spare you a video clip of the meltdown that followed that.  But, amazingly, after about 10 minutes he calmed down and agreed to order and eat chicken.  And we ended up having actually a great meal, and because his chicken strips were “naked,” with no breading, the it was also acceptable for the diet.

So dinners so far have been a win, lunches have been about even, and breakfasts utter failures.  But we’ve only been on this strict phase of the diet for about two weeks, and just the last week while I am back to work full time.  It’ll either get easier as we get into routine, or it’ll get harder as I lack more and more sleep.

And is it working?  Is it worth it?  So far, it’s hard to tell.  Logan had an awful week, with minimal focus and maximum aggression.  But a number of things were working against him.  It was his first week back to daycare after two weeks’ vacation.  He was still getting over strep and an ear infection, and he had picked up a cold.  He’d been taking antibiotics, which likely killed off all the good bacteria we’d been building up in his gut.  And, to make matters worse, he also turned out to be allergic to the medication, so his skin is covered in a red, blotchy rash.  He looks awful, and I imagine he must be feeling pretty poor inside, too.  I hope that as the rash fades away, after he’s back to healthy, and after he’s back in the routine of daycare and preschool, we’ll be able to assess if his behavior is more social, empathetic, and regulated–and if the diet is a likely cause of those changes.

And as Logan’s adjusting, I hope we adjust, too.  I hope I get better at cooking and it becomes a more natural part of the day.  And I hope we can find more items and recipes he can eat.  With not-OK foods on top and OK foods on bottom, our pantry now looks pretty bare.

Feeling: A bit like Old Mother Hubbard

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